Caerus

Ask /SLASH/. ‘Cause bright people have problems too

Dear slash: This Saturday there is a house party happening, most of my friend group and flatmates were invited but I wasn’t. I don’t know if I somehow offended the host. Anyway, it really hurts me and I don’t know how to cope with this feeling of rejection. 

Dear friend,

We're sorry to hear you did not get invited. But hey, it happens to the best of us.

As for offending the host, that is guesswork you don’t want to be doing. Either ask the host or tell yourself you did not offend him or her. And keep in mind you’re going to offend some people sometimes. And that’s okay.

“I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.” —Herbert Bayard Swope

As for solutions to not being invited, there seem to be two things you can do:

• Deal with not being invited
• Get invited after all

To deal with not being invited, you can do a few things. One of which is feeling bad about it. Now we don’t particularly recommend that option, since, well, you’ll just feel bad. 

The alternative is to make your own party. To make this into an opportunity (like scoring with your goalkeeper in FIFA when your opponent disconnects because he can’t handle your greatness). You mention that most of your housemates are out of the house. How often does that happen? Seems like a perfect opportunity for a house party of your own. A party from you for you. Perhaps a karaoke night where you sing along to your favorite songs and dance around naked. (We’re just spitballing here.) 

Or grab this opportunity to get some much-needed me-time and crawl up with a book and a cup of tea. Then, to get back at those low-lifes and that tasteless host you could send through selfies signalling your literary superiority. 

There are more options. Find a cool event in the city to go to. You can invite yourself. A few that are happening this Saturday: Paradigm, S10 + Sim Fane, Dubstance, 80s Metal Party (a popular genre with UCG teachers) and Kinderconcertje: Sinterklaas meezingconcert. Who needs house parties anyway?

If you’re not sold yet there’s always plan B: getting invited after all. Not easy, but also not impossible. There are a few ways to go about it. The most direct one is to simply ask why you didn’t get invited. Your success rate will depend on your relationship with the host. If you didn’t get invited by your best friend (well, ‘best friend’), then this is the way to go. Avoid phrasing it like “Yo wtf I never liked you anyway, but why didn’t you invite me?” That’s bound to cost you your ticket to ride.

The more shameless but successful approach is to simply show up. “Heyyyyyy what’s up!!!” That kinda stuff. Your mileage may vary but if you opt for this way do bring a bottle of booze. It will distract the host.

The more subtle option is to suggest yourself into the party. A “happy birthday” in the hallway goes a long way (especially if it’s actually the host’s birthday). Or putting yourself in environments where the host is going to feel bad for not inviting you: aka being in group conversations where people are talking about the party. Or, you could shadow the host to the supermarket and ‘accidentally’ run into each other when she’s balancing 4 crates and 10 wine bottles. “What pain are you drinking away this time?” “Oh, I’m throwing a party. You should come!” And then you’re like “Oh no I can’t, I love drinking but I hate you.” Or, if you’re still in the mood, “Tonight? Sounds cool, I’ll see if I can make it.” (gotta play hard to get). Problem solved.

There are loads of solutions. And they’re certainly not all dependent on you being invited or not.

The best way to think about it is probably this: if you don’t want me at your party, I don’t want to be at your party (asshole). 

Care less and be more.

Now sing that Macarena and dance naked.

Have a burning question too? We're here to help. Just ask away.